Finding the root of ones suffering is a constant endeavor. We can dance with the shadow til the cows come home. As we appear to be individuals, nothing could be further from the truth. Our individual expression is more of a lens than anything. A looking glass through which we peer into the vast expanse that is existence.
Simply because our view is skewed towards an individual experience, this does not indicate that this is truth. When you look at the sky during the day, you may see the sun, you may see clouds, you may see a rainbow. However, when viewed just a few hours later, you will find the moon and the stars, perhaps even the outline of the Milky Way galaxy.
Shall I argue with my night time experience that there are no moon and stars? Should I sell all of my lights and assume that the sun is a constant? Of course not. Luckily for our inquisitive and childlike minds, the cycle of light and dark is a daily experience. We are patient with the process and even understand that summer can bring fall and winter. Patience and understanding as not just a virtue, but a means of planning our lives and improving the chances of enlightened experiences in the future.
The same virtues can bring balance within the deepest of challenges.
The rotation of the earth, the changing of the seasons, these are relatively short term happenings. The age of our solar system, galaxy, and universe go far beyond our human ability to comprehend. Yet there is some part of us which can grasp these concepts, millions, billions, trillions of years. What a beautiful mind you have.
Beyond even these abilities to theorize and discover, there is an ability to transcend the entire experience of existence, to float within the soul. Within this space, there is no time, there is no distance, there is certainly no individuality. Some find this place through meditation and contemplation. Some find it through exercise and discipline. Some find it through religion, to each their own, love in all things.
From the vantage point of the ‘non exist’ (previously referred to as the soul) we can begin to grasp the vastness of BEingness. Something like time, something like space. Something like pain, something like joy. Not quite the same, but what else are we to do as humans? One can only understand experience through the previously accumulated information. It would be lovely if each of us could download the information directly from the cosmic records, the history of humanity, ancestry, to speak to the ether in communion with matter. Some may practice this, I know I have. Fact of the matter is, I came here, to this planet, to this body, to this experience. Even if in a passive fashion, I chose this.
I chose to forget some things, I chose to walk blindly for a bit. I chose to be surrounded by brothers and sisters who are tearing at the eye and tearing at the veil. Religions have called it original sin, to eat of the tree of knowledge and be banished from the garden, I chose to experience something different. You will find no God and no merit in believing that you are born of broken bloodline, nothing could be further from the truth. The only approval you must earn to recall your glory is your own. This is not as easy as it sounds, but my brothers and sisters, it is that simple.
Of course, from this semi blind and oft challenging human experience, it is easy to think and be convinced that you are somehow inherently flawed. To this part of yourself, offer patience, wisdom, understanding, and unconditional love.
There is something bigger at play. This experience of life does not define us any more than the day dominates the night. Even our own Sun shall burn away in due time, and so shall our human expression. Life and death as a process of remembering our wholeness. Wandering out into the cold dark of winter, only to realize that cold and dark are simply a single winter night in the seasons of our soul. This too shall pass.
We’re it just this simple, shall we end it now? Should we take a group trip to the Grand Canyon, walk in with no water, and wait for the embrace of our last breath? Many do choose this route, to end their life through various means. We may be fearful to discuss it, shameful of our desires to explore beyond what is socially acceptable. I have been there, considering the release from human existence as a way of relieving burdens.
I right my ship fairly quickly, and have found solace in the following understanding.
Most of that which I experience is an illusion, whether it is time, distance, shame or victim consciousness. I am not equipped with the senses or abilities to see the vastness of BEingness in all moments. However, the vastness of BEingness can always see me. He/she/it/they/God/source/I am that I am is always connected to me and I am always connected to they. There is no escape from the Eye of Grandeur, the all seeing peepers of Source. Thus, no moment is more or less holy and divine than the next or previous. There is one enduring moment with unlimited possibilities, and we just happen to be deaf dumb and blind from where we stand. The distance between our experience and the Divine is thus… FAITH. Faith in the deep meaning, divinity, and holiness of all experience. Whether it is cleaning up after a gathering, praying to a deity, crying after a breakup, or visiting your parole officer, it’s all divine and things are just fine. From our base perspective, this at times can seem like, well, bullsh*t, understandable. When faith appears as BS, this is your blindness, your deafness, your accumulated resentment towards what you thought was outside of you (hint hint it’s all you).
We are not required to win, to accomplish, to complete, to compete or even to care. I happen to find life to be less of a tragic drama when I do seek these things, but there is room for all choices, races, faiths, and paths in the vastness of source.
I say to dance with the love that you carry as your foremost practice. Find your relationship to faith, even if it is one of cynicism and utter disdain. Own your experience even if it means accepting your deepest fears flaws and self hatred. For these are symptoms of blindness and are cleared away when we LOOK and SEE… how magical.
If you were to go out hunting, you would want a full quiver of arrows. If you choose to seek and uncover your shadow side, ensure that your heart and mind are full of love arrows, you will need them on your journey.